So this year has been pretty epic for me. It started REALLY SHITTY, with my being unhappy about a lot of stuff in my life. Granted, I was unhappy in a Nicole way, which meant coping MARVELOUSLY (coping is my super power and usually involves sublimating my troubles in travel). But I was also aware that things were off–I was having to sublimate a lot harder than usual, and my bank account was showing the strain.
Anyway, at some point I realized I had to stop running (I am sooooo good at running, when it’s a metaphor) and figure out how to be happier here, in the place I am. Through that I also realized the areas in which I was my own worst enemy. While I’d figured out a lot of shit, there were a few REALLY big holes in my self-awareness.
So not saying I’ve got all the answers now, but I’m proud of myself for doing what I needed to do in the areas I needed to do it. I dug in and admitted a few things that made me super uncomfortable, and took some advice that I fundamentally disagreed with even though I knew MY version of the situation wasn’t working. And I was, once again, proven TOTALLY WRONG, only I was so happy to be wrong cuz then I had a place to start fixing shit from.
So here are the things I’m proud of this year:
Moving sucks, even if it’s just to the city an hour away, and this move meant buying a house, which felt HUGE to me. I’m super peripatetic so to invite rootedness seemed like the craziest thing I could ever do. It’s turned out to be such a marvelous decision, in so many ways. I love my new city and I adore my little house and it’s turned out to be such a haven, my little home.
2) My Tribe!
I really learned to appreciate my Tribe this year, mostly through starting from scratch on a new one here in the Burgh. I realized how lucky I am to make friends easily, and how fortunate I am to know myself and to know the kind of folks I want in my tribe. But I’m lucky to have found them here in Pittsburgh, which made me appreciate how lucky I’ve been for so many years, and I send all my love to all my tribes throughout the world. xoxo
3) My Magic!
I’m really good at picking friends but holy hell I was absolute pants at picking lovers. So I took a formal hiatus, read all these AWFUL dating books (that were all spot on, much to my feminist horror) and I started dating to date. I learned so much! But the best advice given to me was by a pair of tarot readers I went to for research for the new book. I wasn’t expecting them to be AMAZING, but they were the wisest people I may have ever met, and they gave me the best advice. They told me that, as a creator of worlds, I was magical, and that I shouldn’t be with anyone who didn’t recognize that magic. Now, I don’t know if I’m magical or not, but I do know that I’m fucking weird as hell (like a lot weirder than all but my closest friends realize). And I dated a lot of people who actually didn’t want that–while they liked the idea of me, in reality they wanted someone much more normal and much less difficult. So I went on lots and lots and lots and lots of (often hilarious) dates (SO MANY DATES) until I met this amazing dude who knows himself and recognizes my weird, but appears to revel in it.
Bless his heart, he has no idea what he’s getting into.
4) My Tenacity!
I really recognized that I do not give up this year. Like not only do I not give up, I don’t even recognize down. This tendency may border on the psychotic, but I’m glad I have it, as this industry is rough as hell.
5) My Readers!
I think this year I finally got comfortable with the idea that people read my books. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it’s true. Partly that was because this year I really got into Facebook, and I realized how awesome y’all are. I’m so grateful every day that I have all these people who genuinely care about me and my books, even though I’ve never met them. So thank you for that, and I hope that the new series will give you as much pleasure as Jane did.
To all of you, HAPPY NEW YEARS. You’ve helped make this one of the best years of my entire life. xoxo