Another Juliet Blackwell Visit and Contest!

Well hello there, everyone. Today we’re doing something a little different at the Emporium. Because her most recent book, Dead Bolt, is coming out shortly, Juliet Blackwell is once again visiting, and she’s doing a contest.

But we’re trying something new.

In spending a lot of time with Juliet and Sophie Littlefield, one of the things Juliet often jokes about is that she’s jealous of us, with our genres’ flexibilities. For example, Sophie gets to write a lot of violence (and does so beautifully). Meanwhile, I get to write a lot of sex.

Juliet and I were joking that one of the reasons her genre–the Cozy Mystery–doesn’t get to do much sex-writing is because of their titles. If you’re at all familiar with the genre of the Cozy, you know they LOVE their puns. Here are some great examples:

The Long Quiche Goodbye (CHEESE SHOP MYSTERY) by Avery Ames

Affairs of Steak (A White House Chef Mystery) by Julie Hyzy

The Gingerbread Bump-Off: A Fresh-Baked Mystery by Livia J. Washburn

Liver Let Die (A Clueless Cook Mystery) by Liz Lipperman

One Foot In The Gravy: A Nashville Katz Mystery (D… by Delia Rosen

Due or Die (A Library Lover’s Mystery) by Jenn McKinlay

The More the Terrier (A Pet Rescue Mystery) by Linda O. Johnston

Shoe Done It (An Accessories Mystery) by Grace Carroll

You Better Knot Die (A Crochet Mystery) by Betty Hechtman

Ghoul Interrupted: A Ghost Hunter Mystery by Victoria Laurie

These are absolutely adorable titles, and they represent everything that’s great about the genre. Cozies are cozy–they’re delightful openings through which readers can escape into a world here nothing too bad is going to happen and where everything will be solved in the end. Juliet and I both love cozies and we both love their punny titles.

But can you imagine the amazing, car-wreck-happening-in-front-of-your-eyes nature of ….

AN EROTIC COZY MYSTERY’S TITLE?????

Just the thought had Juliet and me in absolute stitches, and that’s when we came up with the idea for this contest.

We’ll each be giving away a prize. Juliet will offer a copy of her latest Haunted Home Renovation mystery, Dead Bolt, and I will up the ante by offering to Amazon you a copy of one of Juliet’s other books, of your choice. So you get two books for one pun. 🙂

But that’s the catch. We want you to come up with your own Cozy style, punny title . . . but for an EROTIC MYSTERY. The raunchier and more ridiculous, the better. I’ll be facilitating the contest, but Ms. Juliet Blackwell, herself, will be judging. We’ll announce the wiener next Friday, December 9, 2011.

To enter, just tell us your best Cozy Erotic Mystery title or titles (you can enter as many as you come up with) in comments, and Juliet will decide from those.

Best of luck! Or whatever other appropriate word you can think of, that rhymes with “luck.”

Posted by Nicole Peeler

Author, Professor, Lover, Fighter

74 thoughts on “Another Juliet Blackwell Visit and Contest!”

  1. I just have to have a go at this!

    GLUE YOU TO THE CEILING (A Dirty Decorator Mystery)

    and

    THE DODGY DOGGERS (A Midnight in the Park Mystery)

    Ok, the second one is terrible. I know 😉

  2. Hahaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. I love both!!!! I actually quite like The Dodgy Doggers. It's like a Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys mystery… only not.

  3. I really needed some fun this morning… My first thought (twisted I know) was, Premature Asphyxiation (A Red Light Raiders Mystery).

  4. Knightly Thrusting and the Haunted Bedroom. Knightly is a residential contractor (of course) who continually stumbles across bodies in the bedrooms he renovates. Poor thing. There's a gorgeous homicide detective he consults with on a regular basis, even a nightly basis, if you will. 🙂

    Zita

  5. A Jolly Rogering (A Sex the Seven Seas mystery)

    I'm sure next in the series is Shiver my Timber. 🙂

  6. OMG these are hilarious!!!! Seriously, I keep thinking the next one can't make me laugh as hard as the last, and then I DO. LOVE IT!

    Keep 'em coming!!! (pun intended)

  7. And I think we might have actually created a new genre, because I would write any of these. LOL *looks at Denise Towsnend* *Denise looks back*

  8. Jennie, those are truly inspired! Wow, now I know your wicked side 😉

    And Sandy, Sex and the Seven Seas is the PERFECT series –Swab the Decks…there are so many ways to go!

  9. OMG Are we getting into whole series???? That would be amazing.

    Maybe I'll write a serialized Erotic Cozy on Denise's blog. I mean, Denise will. Whatever.

  10. y'all are killing me! i don't have the pun gene but I would buy THE JOLLY ROGERING today. there's just something so deliciously…*active* about that verb. God, can you imagine if Denise shows up? She's so nasty…

  11. My first thought was Banal Anal but…no, not a good enough pun or "cozy". Then "The Cunning Linguist: A Professor Harry Richard Mystery" came to mind. Not that either. I'm going with "The Man Who Blew His Stack: A Detective F.L. Atio Mystery.

  12. Lets see….

    She takes cock- The New York Chicken Thief

    The Pearl Necklace – tales of the Georgia Jewelry Thief

    Between her legs- the mystery of the missing transvestite

    hhmmmmm….

    Fisting – the story of a woman beaten to death in a brothel.

    hhmmmm… Mine are depressing! lol!! Who steals chickens?! ITS RUDE!!

  13. MORE BAD PUNS!! lol…

    The Boner – mystery of the bone stealer

    The Big Dick- story of a well endowed detective found dead in his apartment

    *thinks*

  14. Some mo!

    A Tale of Two Nipples

    Bondage, James Bondage Agent 069 *dramatic music*

    Rear Entrance – the killer came in the back

    Rim Job- The death of a backdoor hubcap salesman

  15. I just thought of another one:

    By Hooker or by Crook : Someone is robbing and murdering hookers in L.A. It's one way to make sure they've turned their last trick!

  16. "Done to Death" (A Down to Murder Mystery) I know, Charlaine Harris did "Poppy Done to Death" but it wasn't THAT kind of "done."

  17. Okay, I’m tackling this from the other side (oooer.) I’m going to have a series of murders set in a Nevada house of negotiable affection (as coined by Sir Terry Pratchett.) They will be called the Pussycat Ranch Mysteries, starring full-time madam and part-time sleuth Fanny Ryder (yes, that’s her real name – what else could she do for a living while upholding the proud tradition of the Irish Ryders?)

    I’m working on a drink now. BRB.

  18. Pussycat Ranch Mysteries:

    He Died Smiling (Fanny Ryder’s best employee ends up with a dead John. It happens sometimes. The autopsy, however, points to murder. Fanny must find the killer or her Employee Of The Year will lose everything.)

    Rosy-Cheeked and Dead (It was just a little light bondage and spanking, but something went very, very wrong)

    Bang, Bang! You’re Dead! (Fanny goes on a much-needed vacation with Rolf (The Incredible Investigator) from the Nevada State Police. When a local “working girl” is discovered dead in their romantic Cayman Island resort, they team up once more to uncover murder most perverted.)

    Arse-Whips and Old Lace – Folks, I got nothing here. I just liked the title. Going to finish that drink…

  19. Murder Most Penetrating: a sex therapist’s clients are being killed off one by one with a knife through their hearts . She needs to find out whodunit before the killer peneterates her next!!

  20. “Cock-a-leekie” -A urologist mystery (patients wind up dead after visiting the doc and he of course has to clear his name)
    “Burn, Baby, Burn” – A dominatrix mystery (crime fighter by day, whipping mistress by night)
    “Run, Rabbit, Run” – short-circuiting vibrators as the cause of death
    “Cottaging Cheese” – gay dairy farmer gets involved in a churning murder

  21. I just want to say, now that I’ve finished that (big, stiff) drink, that I love you all and want to be your friend.

    P.S. I just read this thread to my spouse and had to warn him not to drink his water. He still almost did a spit-take.

  22. Too Much Bang For The Buck – Sometimes, sadly, clients bite off more than they can chew. After a prominent politician dies in the arms of three beautiful young women it seems to be an open-and-shut case of a man whose eyes were bigger than his… well, his failing heart. The Nevada State Medical Examiner thinks it was homicide. Fanny Ryder, the state’s most successful madam-cum-investigatrix has to hustle once again to clear the name of the Pussycat Ranch.

  23. Oh, heavens. I’m in the middle of the second drink. It’s not as big as the first, but sometimes it’s better to go easy if the first one was amazing.

    I decided it’s time for dinner so I’m chasing le vodka with three Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. And I’m really feeling the love.

    …crickets

    Where is everyone? Was it something I said?

  24. Okay, I’m back( you didn’t think you’d seen the last of me did you ?).

    Condoms, Corsets,and Coffins: When a Showgirl i na Vegas revue is murdered,a police detective goes undercover to find the killer. he PULLS OUT all the stops to solve the case, while providing PROTECTION for the other girls in the show.

  25. I Dream of Weenie – Hen Nights can be real trouble at The Pussycat Ranch. And by trouble, we mean murder.

    76 Strong Bones In The Big Parade – Not since Caligula (or the 70s) has there been SUCH an orgy. Unfortunately, not just one, but FIVE of the participants died. The authorities are calling for madam Fanny Ryder’s head on a platter, so it seems that it’s up to her, with a little help from her friends, to solve the mystery.

    Choosy Moms Choose Chip – Madame Extraordinaire Fanny Rider has a problem – her new male employee, Chip, is so popular that catfights have broken out in the usually convivial lounge. Unfortunately for Fanny and the Pussycat Ranch, one of the female clients has been found dead in the Ladies Room while waiting her turn. Is this a case of Soccer Moms Gone Way Too Wild?

    Mmmm, chocolate.

  26. *snerk*
    More in the Sex the Seven Seas:
    Pirate Booty
    Yo, Ho and a bottle of Cum (that’s just for that dirty Denise – has a nice 2 girls 1 cup feel doean’t it? LOL)
    Wank the Plank
    Land A Hooker!

    Oh man, it never ends! Pirate pR0n is the best. 🙂

  27. Rub One Out: A Massage-Parlor Mystery (A mafioso’s feckless nephew is found dead, but smiling, in a massage parlor run by a competitor… and new masseuse Touchée Yourbum has oil on her hands. It’s up to her fellow masseuse, amateur detective Happy Ending, to prove there’s no blood on those delicate-but-strong digits, too.)

    Unhappy Ending: Another Massage-Parlor Mystery (Happy and Touchée team up to find out who tainted a batch of erotic oils with LSD, after a pair of tripping and very naked frat boys run out of the parlor, screaming about evil succubi… and right into the path of a city bus. The bad publicity – who said there’s no such thing? – threatens to close the parlor permanently and seriously shrink the girls’ income stream, unless they can solve the case pronto.)

  28. Just had to come back and add a couple more, the responses so far have been truly brilliant!

    THE COMING OF THE SEA MEN

    HER LIPS WERE SEALED (A selkie thriller all the way ;))

    THERE SHE BLOWS

    ONE IN HER HAND, TWO IN HER BUSH

    DOWN ON HER CHUFF

    and finally:

    THE BREAST A MAN CAN GET

    Ok that’s all I’ve got! LOL This has been fantastic. I hope making two entries (double entendre?) is ok, since I put a few up (hey-ho) there in my first comment 😀

  29. Lapful of Pussy: The tale of a girl and her best friend (clearly a cat, pervs); Missionary Style: Where Fashion and Religion Come together; and for the Pirate puns people have been making, has anyone said “Swabbing the Poop Deck” yet?

  30. Ok on the Pirate Theme: Swabbing the Poop Deck
    On the Massage Parlor Theme: A Touch of Pleasure

    Couple I thought of while reading through the comments
    Lapful of Pussy: The Tale of a Girl and Her Best Friend *insert kitty picture*
    Missionary Style: Where Fashion and Religion Come Together

  31. The Sex Toy series!

    A Vibe in the Hand is Worth Two in the Bush
    Ding Dong the Witch is Dead
    The Belle of the Ball Gag
    What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Flogger
    Pull the Buttplug
    For Whom the Bell Clit Clamp Tolls

  32. The Garden Dominatrix series

    Dirty Lawndry
    In this economy, Tally Hoe isn’t getting laid, she’s getting laid off! The former landscaper and part-time dominatrix can’t catch a break so when her former submissive hires her to whip his garden into shape, she jumps at the job. She bolted when love started blooming between them but John is ready to put down roots in her bed and plant some seed. Before he can make his move, a decapitated body is found in the roses and when the police uncover a connection between the dead man and John, Tally has to find proof it wasn’t John who “deadheaded” him.

    Make Him Mown
    The only cane Tally Deere (née Hoe) wants to get her hands on is in her new husband John’s playroom but when she’s hired to take control of an unruly blackberry thatch for John’s hunky new neighbor, Briggs, she’s pierced with longing for a little two-stroke action. When Briggs turns up dead after a night of backfilling Tally’s garden, the threesome becomes a ménage a murder and Tally has to dig up clues to who killed Briggs before it’s her turn to be planted six feet under.

    A Bird in the Bush
    Divorced and with her ex-husband in jail for murder, it’s time for Tally to turn over a new leaf. A summer drought has everyone wilting but when she wins an all-expense paid trip to a landscaper’s conference in England from Shovels & Mulch magazine, things start looking up. Conference planner Radna Clyffe thinks all Tally needs is a down-and-dirty foreign affair and when a strange series of accidents threaten Tally’s safety, she whisks her away to a French cottage. Will their budding romance be abruptly pruned by the mysterious ‘Gardener’ who seems to be stalking Tally?

  33. I can’t think of anything offhand to top what you’ve all come up with, but has anybody read Hamilton Crane’s Miss Seeton series of cosies? Particularly that fine example of the genre, Hands Up Miss Seaton? A classic.

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