Guest Blog: Mythology 101 with Philip Palmer

Myths about Myth

by Philip Palmer

There are myths, I would argue, and myths.

The story of Osiris is a myth  of the first kind: this Egyptian deity was murdered by his jealous rival Set, and his body was cut into fourteen parts and scattered around the land.  Osiris’s lover Isis then recovered thirteen of the fourteen parts – but, to her chargin, failed to find the penis.  So she then made a gold phallus, brought him back to life and, er, that’s how babies are born.

(Just take a moment and read that over again; isn’t it gross?)

It’s also, however, to return to my argument, a common myth that all Welshmen can sing. I am Welsh, and I am entirely tone-deaf; so I can categorically state this is not so.

So ‘myth’ can mean a legend; or it can mean a falsehood.  The same word doubles for both meanings, and the meanings messily overlap.

Ancient myths and legends and fairytales are of course grist to the mill for the fantasy and urban fantasy writer.  Tolkien borrowed freely from Norse legends in creating his ‘mythic’ epic about those wretched rings. And the ancient legends (aka myths) about vampires, werewolves, fairies, selkies (that’s you Nicole!) and other supernatural beings are so deliciously evocative and evil,  what’s not to love about them?

Odin, Beowulf, Jesus, John the Baptist, Osiris, Horus, Hercules, Poseidon, the World Navel, Shiva, Kali, Kama Mara, Sinbad, Prince Five-Weapons, and Indiana Jones – there are just some of the amazing beings and things who have been made up by gifted storytellers in order to create amazing, and fictional, stories.

At least, that’s what I believe.  If you’re a Christian however, you might believe that all the other deities – like Thor, god of Thunder, whose alter ego was, of course, New York doctor Don Blake – are made up, but that Jesus is real.

If you’re a Hindu, you may believe in the reality of the Hindu pantheon.

If you’re a huge Steven Spielberg fan, you may believe that Indiana Jones is a real person, out there somehow; and if that’s what you believe, it’s cool with me.

But this brings me to my main point: there is a sneaky,  lurky, and surprisingly common myth about myth.  It’s this:

Whether we listen with aloof amusement to the dreamlike mumbo jumbo of some red-eyed witch doctor of the Congo, or read with cultivated rapture thin translations from the sonnets of the mystic Lao-Tse: now and again crack the hard shell of an argument of Aquinas, or catch suddenly the shining meaning of a bizarre Eskimo fairy tale: it will always be the one shape-shifting yet marvellously constant story that we find, together with a challengingly persistent suggestion of more remaining to be experienced than will ever be known or told.

These are the opening words of one of the greatest books ever written about myth – Joseph Campbell’s The Hero With a Thousand Faces.

In his book, Campbell assembles accounts of myths and folk tales from all around the world – Norse legends, American Indian myths, Inuit folk tales, and stories from the great religions.  And he writes about them as if they are all aspects of one great underlying myth, the ‘monomyth’ (a word borrowed from James Joyce.) He also quotes freely from Carl Jung, who believed that the archtypes of myth are products of mankind’s Collective Unconscious.

It’s all exhilarating stuff, and every fantasy and SF writer has or should read Campbell’s book at one point.  These are what I call stories. They are potent, resonant, imaginatively supercharged tales of magic and wonder and heroes vanquishing and heroes defeated and wicked witches and ogres and much much more.

But this is when the science fiction writer in me creeps to the surface. I adore Campbell’s book and the way he writes; but what exactly does he mean by ‘monomyth’?

Is there really a one-underlying-myth, an actual connection between all the legends of all the peoples of makind?  Does Jung’s Collective Unconscious actually exist, in some spooky but utterly real way? Or is it just a metaphor?

Who cares? I hear you cry.

Geeks care, is my reply.

Because geeks – obsessive science-fictiony type people who, um, write science fiction,  such as moi, like to get these things straight.

In science – okay, okay,  this is really geeky – * embarrassed smile  * – a theory or hypothesis has to be ‘falsifiable’.  In other words, if it’s possible for you to prove a theory is wrong,  then you’re entitled to believe it may  be right.

The opposite of a falsifiable theory is something like astrology – where the predictions are so vague and ambiguous you can’t ever prove it’s wrong.  Which makes it a faith; not science.

So is the idea of the monomyth falsifiable? I would say not. It’s a lovely idea – a haunting concept – but it’s just an idea.

So – in the absence of evidence to the contrary – I believe that myths and legends from disparate cultures are similar because they all attempting to describe the essential facts of all human life: birth, sex, death, the power of the sun, the need for harvests not to fail, etc etc etc.

And therefore, for me the monomyth is a ‘myth’ of the beautifully singing Welshman variety; it’s a sweet smelling flower, but it’s not true. And yet, it’s a dogged concept that lies deep in our culture, and is believed or half-believed by a startlingly large number of people.

Here’s another myth: it’s one I call the Mayan Myth.  It’s based on a once commonly held view about the ancient Mayans who lived in the Yucatan Penninsula of Mexico, and whose civilisation collapsed around 900 AD.  Early twentieth century archaeologists wrote with wonder about a Mayan society led by gentle priest-leaders, whose people lived a tranquil uncrowded rural life, and who had no interest in or knowledge of the arts of war, and who spent their days building vast temples and honouring their gods.

The Mayans were, according to these awe-struck observers, a peaceful, kind and gentle civilisation who were in harmony with each other and at one with nature.

It’s a lovely concept; but it’s nonsense!  It’s a myth – a delusion -  put about by soft-headed archaeologists in love with their own half-baked fantasies.

However, as time went by, archeologists of the kind who actually believe in evidence learned that the Mayans were in fact a culture dominated by arrogant kings, with an astonishingly large population (more densely populated than China) and possessed of sophisticated farming techniques.

They were also savage brutes (by my moral standards) who practised ritual human sacrifice, as well as being bloodthirsty warriors who enjoyed torturing their prisoners.

The trouble was, those twentieth century archeologists wanted to believe that the Mayans were gentler, nobler, and wiser than the stressed, irritable, competitive  peoples of their own world.

The Mayan Myth is a version of the Golden Age myth – the idea that there was, once, a better, less spiritually shallow  time; a time when people were gallant and noble, and there was no such thing as  the rat-race, stress, and road rage.

I don’t think such a time ever existed.   Farmers in the olden days had to work their butts off  ploughing fields and cultivating crops and whatever other boring things farmers do, and I’m sure they were just as stressed, and spiritually shallow, as we are.  (Indeed, I have no doubt that ‘field rage’ was a common phenomenon. ) It was all in all a tough old life, in  the world before supermarkets, vacuum cleaners, and washing machines.

The Golden Age myth in its various permutations is of course a staple ingredient in much fantasy writing – and I love it in context, in the service of a great story.  I just don’t think it’s true.

You see a large dash of the same myth in Avatar, where the blue-skinned alien Na’Vi are shown to be peace-loving and at one with nature; when they kill an animal for food, they tell the dying creature ‘I see you,’ to honour its spirit.

Oh per-lease!  That’s just so sentimental, even I can’t stomach it.  (And I have an amazingly high threshold for sentimental nonsense…)

As storytellers, of course, working in the imaginative fiction field, we depend utterly on myths, legends, and lies.  So ideas like the monomyth and the Mayan Myth are great as a source of inspiration, and of stories, and indeed of spirutal solace.  I’m just saying – don’t believe all you’re told about the actual underlying ‘truth’ of myth.

And, indeed, I’d go a step further, and argue my own strongly held (though, I concede,  unfalsifable) opinion on this matter.   Namely, that the great myths and legends of the world were all created, ultimately, by master storytellers who revelled in the telling of tall tales, and who quite consciously and brilliantly crafted the common superstitions of their tribes into great works of deceitful untrue art.

More League Pimpage!

Now that I have strengthened my wrists by giving my professional pimp smack to Dakota Cassidy’s oeuvre, I am going to turn my palm of pimpage over to . . . Mark Henry!

For today, Mark’s first book, Happy Hour of the Damned, comes out in mass market paperback, to stores everywhere:

And I highly, highly recommend that you buy it, people. Here’s why:

A) I love Mark! He’s not only one of the wittiest, snarkiest, smartest men I know, he’s also one of the kindest. Believe it or not, snark and sensitivity can go together. So Mark’s a stand up guy, who does a LOT of the work for the League site AND lets me follow him around conventions when I’m feeling like I really can’t socialize with people in Spock ears anymore.

B) I love Mark’s books! More important, really, than Mark being a great guy is the fact that Mark writes great books. Mark could be a complete douche and I would still read his novels, because they’re AWESOME. I am now going to further bullet point this post so that I can outline Why Mark’s Books Are Awesome:

  • They’re hilarious! Yes, they’re so funny you’ll wee a little. And then he’ll have a footnote making fun of you for doing so.
  • They’re also really disturbing, and not just in a horror way. Mark writes about zombies who are super lovable, actually, on a lot of levels. Except that they eat people, and usually homeless people. As the reader, I’m like, “OMG, they’re people! She can’t eat people! That’s terrible!” But Amanda keeps insisting to us that we’re being overly sensitive, considering how we treat our homeless. And I’m all, “Excuses, excuses, Amanda!” Then I went to San Francisco for my yearly pilgrimage. And literally STEPPED OVER homeless people sleeping on the street. Because that’s what we do–we neglect our own, telling ourselves they are the Other due to their mental illnesses, or their inability to cope with reality, or their lack of get up and go. But what we’re really doing is allowing other humans to suffer, often under terrible mental and physical burdens, and when we close our doors at night we shut ourselves off and tell ourselves it’s okay to do so. By having Amanda eat the kinds of people we ignore, Mark embarks upon a project not unlike Jonathan Swift’s “Modest Proposal.” We laugh, but we think . . . and thinking is that critical first step towards action.
  • Basically, then, Mark writes my perfect books. They’re hilarious! Entertaining! They do what mass market fiction should do . . . but they’re also really smart, really provocative, and you’re not just filling your head with cotton candy.

I’ll stop bullet pointing now. The whole point of this post is that if you’re looking for a new series that is as smart as it is fun, Mark Henry’s for you. And now he’s released in mass market, which means not only a cheap price but an easier book to hold. You can read it one handed! What you do with that other hand is entirely up to you. But I wouldn’t recommend you take any tips from Amanda and experiment with Icy Hot . . . Really, Mark, Icy Hot? I’m still cringing.

Curious? Then go forth and buy people . . . Amanda Feral needs you!

“Jumping Jack Flash” Might Be Jane’s Missing Mother and League Pimpage

First of all, I am flexing my wrist in preparation of EXERCISING MY PIMP  HAND.

For the ever lovely and fabulous Dakota Cassidy’s new book, Accidentally Demonic, is out tomorrow!

I haven’t read this one, yet, but I’ve read all the other books in this series and they’re SO FUN. Dakota’s marvelous sense of humor shines, her characters are adorable, and these books are always fab reads.

So go forth and purchase if you already know and love Dakota. Or, if you’re looking for a new para rom series to embark upon, try the first in the series, The Accidental Werewolf:

As for me, I have been having a fabulous start of the semester. I much prefer teaching my ENG 115 class to the other freshman comp course, my night class is my favorite ENG 215 (so very little pressure for a lot of enjoyment), and Modern Poetry is turning out to be very manageable and enriching, for me, as a writer. In other words, my primary career is going very well, and the writing is fab, as well! I’m figuring out my plan of attack for editing Jane True book 3, Tempest’s Legacy, and I’ll start writing my edits soon.

In the meantime, however, I’ve been watching a lot of movies and series on my Netflix, and one of the movies that I was randomly inspired to order was the 80’s classic, Jumping Jack Flash:


I was OBSESSED with this film when I was a kid. I adored it. I can’t really describe how much I adored it, because it would be like me trying to explain how much I love my family . . . it became a part of me and I would give it my kidney if it asked politely.

This film came out in 1986, eight years after my birth. And watching it as an adult I can absolutely see where it had a HUGE influence on me and my writing.

First of all: the swearing. I swear like a pirate, this is true. My family is a family of swearers, in general, but I seem to have taken up the swearing mantle and run right the fuck off with it. Then I watched this film, again, and Whoopi has a mouth so potty it’s like a psych ward.

Second of all: my love of a non-traditional heroine. Where do I start with my admiration for this film, in terms of its heroine? First of all, Whoopi is BLACK. How many films can you name that star (entirely) an African-American, let alone an African-American woman? And that are mainstream? Even nowadays? Second of all, while I think Whoopi is an extremely attractive individual in this film, she is by no means your traditional blonde bombshell. She’s Whoopi, and she’s gonna wear some MC Hammer OVERALLS (cause the only think that makes Hammer pants better is some straps!), and dreads, and YELLOW REEBOKS and she’s not gonna give a fuck! For dress up, she caps off that outfit with a turban!

As a kid, I was blonde and blue eyed, but I was also way too smart, way too mature (in some ways), and already short and chubby. So I knew I was never going to be the leggy, doe eyed thing expecting some hero to come along and rescue her because even though she’s a bit of a bint, DAMN SHE IS PHOINE.

In other words, I was looking for films that expressed my solidarity with the outsider, the underdog, the eccentric, for those who “sang his didn’ts” and “danced his dids.” For the most part, however, I was getting Melanie Griffith. And, while I love me some Working Girl, I knew that while my brain was going to be all about sin, my bod would, at best, most likely suggest white-collar misdemeanors or parking violations.

So Jumping Jack Flash was a revelation. I wanted to be Whoopi: a woman who was strong because she was smart, passionate, and brave, not because she’s beautiful and manipulative or, like Red Sonja, beautiful and ‘roided right the fuck out.

On watching the film as an adult, as well, I clap at how it handles “the issues.” Whoopi is constantly being told she’s not welcome because of her gender, her skin color, and her class. But she enters anyway, on her own terms, and uses her enemy’s cultural expectations against them. If they expect an African-American woman to be a singer, by golly she’ll dress up like a Supreme. She’ll give them what they expect, in an unexpected way, to get what she wants from them. If they expect a woman to be weak, delicate, and easily victimized, she will BITE HER WOULD-BE EXECUTIONER IN THE NADS. Cuz that’s what she does! Bites him! In the nads! I think this is partly why the film, despite being over twenty years old, hasn’t aged. Okay, the computers look a bit silly, but the real story is based on Whoopi’s character. And she is both ageless and paradoxically original, for Hollywood, it seems to me, has actually gone backwards in terms of its depiction of real women of any race.

My final plea: If you haven’t seen this film, please do. I think you’ll see some of Jane True in it, and you’ll definitely have a good time. Watch out for the giant toothbrush!

And Another Update!

Over at Literary Escapism, Jackie is doing a HUGE CONTEST with all us Leaguers! It’s a great big stonking do, so go over there and have a look-see! There is many a prize to be won!

Ich Bin Swimming!

Our terribly awesome dayIn exciting news, Tempest Rising is coming out in both Italy (from Newton and Compton) and Germany (from Heyne Verlag). This means that my words will be translated into Italian and German, making me fantasize that I will learn to speak both languages fluently through some sort of process of osmosis. My agent says this is unlikely, but a girl can dream!

I’ve also been busy over at some other blogs. For Philip Palmer’s awesome blog series on SFF inspired music, I’ve introduced you to why I love a “Sea Lion Woman” as much as I love a seal woman.

And over at the Orbit Books blog, Gail Carriger’s Alexia and my own Jane have been nattering away again. The results are rather adorable. Those two are such cards!

Dr. Who Is Your Daddy!

First of all, sorry about the title. I have no self control when it comes to an opportunity for a ”Who’s Your Daddy?” joke.

Second of all, Oh dear lawd and lady, I love me some Dr. Who. And yes, I know EVERYONE ELSE has already been loving Dr. Who for years now. And I’m also well aware that it’s completely lame I wasn’t loving him from the start, since I lived in Britain for six years including the years he was resurrected.

But I’m bad about telly (don’t own one now) and have always been rubbish about watching series when they were first aired. I finally got around to watching Dr. Who because I now have Netflix, and I’m trying to “relax” and “not work” for a few hours each day (crazy! I know!). So I started watching. And I haven’t been able to stop. Why, you ask?

Because I’m good like that, here are my top five reasons to watch Dr. Who, if you haven’t already:

Number 5: The Casting

Could the casting be any more brilliant? Seriously? First of all: the Doctors. Christopher Eccleston is one of my all time favorite baddies (I always had him mentally cast as my character, Jarl). So to cast him as the Doctor? Brilliant! It was so unexpected, and therefore genius. And David Tennant couldn’t be more adorable if you put him in a pink fluffy bunny suit and made him wiggle his nose. And the women! The women! First of all, Billie Piper. She is AS adorable as David Tennant, and should really be wearing a pink, fluffy bunny suit at all times. And I love how she’s adorable but she’s also normal. She’s not a stick insect scary model lady from the bowels of planet Norexia. She’s so lovely, but in such a normal human girl way that she would never be cast in America. And then they had Catherine Tate! THE Catherine Tate! One of the funniest women ever to walk the planet, but, again, not cast simply because her dead, dead eyes are framed by slightly starved symmetry. And I’m just starting Season Three, so I can’t wait to see who comes next.

Number 4: The Patriotism

Until China and/or India usurps the title, it’s tough for Americans to be the superpower. When you’re at the top, a little humility is expected, and Americans are no exception. So we’re taught either to be self-conscious of American patriotism, OR we’re taught to be self-conscious about our self-consciousness regarding patriotism. So one of the things I most enjoyed about living in Britain and that I enjoy about watching Dr. Who is how the show revels in, and reveals, New British Patriotism (pronounced with a long “a,” daaahlings). It’s both fun and enlightening for me to see how the most recent superpower before America has recovered its sense of place in the world. We’re gonna be scrambling to think of something soon, my dears, so we should all watch Dr. Who as a crash course in cultural realignment. And in the meantime: God Save the Queen!

Number 3: The Heroism

It is unapologetic! Nary an episode goes by when someone doesn’t offer themselves up to save their friends, or simply for the greater good. People die right and left in this show, but only after we’ve come to really know and like them. Then some monster comes along and is all, “I’m gonna destroy the Earth! Because I’m a MONSTAH!” and the doctor is all, “Dude, I need more time to jimmy-jack some shit with my Sonic Screwdriver!” and the person we just came to know and love is all, “I will make a stand in order to buy you enough time for your jimmy-jacking of your shit! And I will die terribly doing so!” And then they DIE! For real! Okay, not always for real. Sometimes, if they are extra sexy-spicy (Captain Jack! Captain Jack!) they are brought back in all their omnivorously sexual glory. But usually they are really dead! REALLY dead! In the meantime, I think that shows a hell of a lot of chutzpah on the part of the writers of Dr. Who. Heroism is so nineteenth-century, and here we are in the Noughties! Maybe we’re getting into a cycle of retro-heroism? Or maybe the writers just know we all need a little hope, as a species. Which leads me to . . .

Number 2: The Philosophical sub-currents

I could write a million things under Number 2 (snicker) but I’m going to focus on just one: I love how this shows plays with the expected Sci-Fi trope of Bad Humanity. Most current Sci-Fi seem to have accepted that, as a species, we are all a bunch of fuck ups. Take Avatar, for instance. You have to stop being human, in that film, to be worth anything. But not in Dr. Who! Dr. Who is constantly excited about humanity. In the Doctor’s estimation, what makes us so stupid makes us so great, and vice versa. We’re not simply damned, corrupted humanity. Instead, humanity is shown in all it’s ridiculous, divine, complicated glory: as capable of greatness as we are greatly capable of pig-headed acts of purely narcissistic self-destruction. So yay for  humanity!

Number 1: The Seventies Aesthetic

It’s AMAZING. When Americans remake shows from the seventies (BSG!), we’re all, “Obviously we’re not going to use that CRAZY SEVENTIES SHIT they came up with back then. We’re gonna soup everything up and make it look modern! POST-modern, even!” But not Dr. Who! The Daleks still look a bit like the Jetson’s maid. If an American studio were behind the show, they would have been upgraded to look like the Jetson’s maid, if she had been designed by Dyson. That robot would clean the fuck out of your house–serious, black hole suckage, people. Not Dr. Who, however! The old enemies haven’t changed all that much, leaving all the fancy-schmancy computer graphics for the new enemies. And the Doctor, himself, hasn’t changed his old ways. When he builds stuff, it still looks like it was built with the contents of an Antiques Roadshow: Bakelite Edition. It’s amazing, and I like to imagine that the show’s aesthetic is a bit like what you’d get if Graceland were a spaceship. A thought that makes me happy, on about four-hundred levels.

So these are just some of the reasons I love Dr. Who. Oh yes, my friends, it is wicked nerdy. But so fun, so joyous, and so smart! Do check it out if you have a spare hour or two . . . I guarantee, you will be hooked.

(And yes, every number before 5 consists of a single entry: Captain Jack! Captain Jack!)

Interview with Sharon Tancredi!

My lovely cover artist, Sharon, has been interviewed here. She talks about her creative process, what it takes to be an illustrator, and why she likes creating Jane True covers. Yay Sharon!

On Piracy

Up until quite recently, when I thought of pirates, I thought of pirates, with hooks for hands and mustachios and scurvy. Now that I’ve become an author, however, I’ve become acquainted with another form of piracy.

I know that piracy within the music industry  has existed for a very long time, but I was never a music pirate. First of all, I was never technologically savvy enough to really get into piracy. But I am also entirely, completely bourgeois, and the idea of doing anything called “piracy” repels me. I’ve never shoplifted; I’ve never stolen someone’s credit card; I’ve never walked off with someone’s jewelry or iPod.

That said, almost everyone else I’ve ever known has downloaded free music off the internet. They defend themselves with the following excuses: that big music studios won’t feel the loss, that artists like Britney Spears can afford to lose a few bucks, and that they will buy other songs or albums from the artist’s they really like. In other words, the pirated album is like a taste test and once they decide they like the artist, then they will pay for future works.

I never really thought much about the fact of my friend’s piracy or about their reasoning legitimating their actions until piracy became very real for me, as an author.

There is lots of talk about piracy within the book world, especially now with e-readers everywhere and downloadable copies of our books so very easy to make and to dispense. I knew piracy would be an issue for me and, indeed, almost as soon as my debut novel, Tempest Rising, was published there were copies available online.

Most of these sites are very anonymous and very . . . piratey. In other words, when I find my novel on one of these sites, I can imagine a bunch of pantalooned men sitting around hawking into spittoons and chortling as they scan copies of novels with one hand, while ravishing wenches with the other.

Then I found a site for fans of paranormal romance and urban fantasy. It’s a pretty, pink site with links to authors websites and contests, along with reviews and lots of excited discussion of new series, or new books coming out, or old books recently discovered. In other words, it’s a pretty typical fan site for readers of my genre. Only with one difference: this website also offers our novels, free for download. The authors of this site even ask those who download a book to leave a comment, to let them know that “their work was appreciated.”

My first thought was, “Oh my God, how could you! You say you’re fans of our work and then you’d steal from us?” My second thought was, “Where is my downloadable form from Hachette’s legal department, so I can get their lawyers on this shit.” My third thought, after I’d filled out and sent the required forms, and cleaned my bedroom to cool off, was, “Okay, let’s say they are really fans of our genre, as they claim. That means they are not doing this piracy to hurt us. They don’t know what their actions mean.”

That’s why I’m writing this blog post: to let the sort of people who create or utilize such websites know what they’re really doing when they pirate one of my books.

The Assumptions

I imagine that when people pirate a book, or upload a book onto a pirate site, they are thinking some of the following things: that authors make the big bucks, that “big publishing companies” are untouchable, and that all they’re doing is taking a few bucks away from the fat cats. Maybe they think they’re even doing the publishing world a favor: that by offering our books for download, they’re increasing the size of our fan-pool; or cutting out some of the wheat from the chaff so that fans won’t waste money on authors who aren’t that great or that they don’t like, meaning they will have more money for authors they do enjoy; or trimming our salaries so we don’t become rock stars who pull rock star bullshit. Instead of going nuts, having babies, and shaving our heads, we’ll stay grounded and writing books, as we should be.

The Realities

First of all, publishing houses are not untouchable monoliths. DoubleDay, Simon & Schuster, and Random House all suffered huge losses over publishing’s “Black Tuesday,” with direct losses in terms of staff, budget, and, in some extreme cases, entire imprints. When a publishing company’s budget goes, that means they can’t pay their authors, they can’t buy new books, and they can’t offer new contracts to existing authors. When an editor is lost, that means fewer new books can be bought by that company over the following year. And when an imprint goes, that means that many of the series that imprint was sitting upon will be dead in the water, unless a particular series or author has such high sales number that a different publishing company will risk buying what amounts to a defunct brand.

Secondly, writers are not Britney Spears. We are not rock stars. We are not even folk singers. If I were to tell you what my advance was for my three novels, it would sound like a huge amount of money. You’d be all, “Holy shit!” Then I’d tell you that money would be doled out over two years, not one. Then I’d tell you that my agent gets (a well deserved) fifteen percent, and that the government then takes exactly one third of that money. Then I tell you that although my publishing company is actually very good about publicizing its authors, I am still responsible for my own conventions, travel, swag, contest materials, etcetera.

In other words, what sounds like a great big sum of money becomes, quite simply, a very small salary. I estimate that this year I cleared from my writing, after taxes and all the expenditures (conferences, swag, etc), about 25,000 dollars.

Yes, my author’s salary for the year 2009 was about $25,ooo. For around $25,000, I wrote three books. Which means I wrote rough drafts, then did edits (in one case, grueling edits), copy edits, and final pass edits. I wrote back copy and front copy, and acknowledgements and dedications. I maintained a website, I blogged, I did copious interviews, I ran contests, I travelled and spoke at whatever convention would have me. I Tweeted, and Facebooked, and paid for a launch party, swag, and postage for review copies and bookplates.

To be honest, I had no idea writing was going to be this much work. And, for all of this work, I made about $25,000 dollars.

In the meantime, however, I am one of the lucky ones. I have a day job that allows me to write. As a professor, I have another salary on top of my book money. But don’t get too excited: I work for a state university in Louisiana. Which means, for all intents and purposes, I’m a Louisianan civil servant, i.e., not rolling in the dough. But I do have a salary. And, more importantly, it’s with a job that gives me time to write and, more importantly, gives me health insurance.

This is why most writers aren’t full time authors: until you are very successful (and there are only a handful of writers in America with this sort of success) you don’t make a lot of money. For keep in mind that an advance is just that: an advance on royalties. So I won’t make another penny on my first three novels until I pay back my advance. And that is going to take a very, very long time, unless a miracle (HBO series) appears on the horizon. Meanwhile, authors don’t get insurance through their publishers. We are independent contractors, meaning we get taxed out of the wazoo and if we want to see a doctor or a dentist, we pay out of pocket.

In fact, for the most part, any full-time author that you know about who isn’t Stephen King, Anne Rice, Danielle Steele, or the like is either a) married to someone who makes a decent living b) independently wealthy or c) okay with living as a starving artist.

Why Pirating Hurts Readers

Let’s say you don’t give a hoot about what I just wrote. Let’s say, for instance, you’re all, “I don’t care that author’s children can’t see a doctor, they get to be an author! that’s recompense, enough!” or “Whatever, so an author lives in a garrett and shops at the Salvation Army, s/he could get a day job! Nicole has one!” or, “It’s just one book, and I’m strapped for cash right now. One book totally doesn’t make a difference! I’ll buy the next one!”

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Let’s take the “It’s just one book,” “the company can afford it,” or “the author can afford it,” excuse.

Firstly, as a new writer, I’m judged not on my literary merit but on my sales. Every single reviewer in the country could say I was a genius; that I deserve the Nobel prize. My fans could name their babies after my characters and move, as one, to Maine to start a town called Rockabill where they will squabble over who gets to be Jane for the day. But if my numbers aren’t good enough, my publishing company won’t buy more Jane True books. And not only do I need to sell books, but I need to sell my first book. Because I’m releasing on an eight-month schedule, we’ll be negotiating for more books based almost entirely on the sale of Tempest Rising. So unless you want my series to end at number three, my first book has to sell.

Secondly, most authors can’t afford to do this job. I read a lot of reviews of books where people talk about how “so and so is just churning them out nowadays, like she/he doesn’t even care about the quality of his/her work.” What readers don’t understand is that a lot of writers are on ridiculous publishing schedules not because they don’t care, or because they’re so eager to get that jacuzzi installed in their yacht, but because they have to eat. How many individuals (let alone families) do you know who could live off a $25,000 salary?  Especially when that salary gets eaten up by covering the family health insurance, dental insurance, etcetera? Most authors cannot make ends meet on their book salaries alone, meaning that a lot of authors have day jobs that, unlike mine, are real nine to fivers.

Keeping in mind that my professorial job was created to give me some (if limited) time to write, and that last year I worked pretty much all the time with my two jobs, I can’t begin to imagine how someone with a “real” day job could write a book. Let alone if they have a family on top of everything. It just couldn’t be feasible, long term, for anybody. People will either stop writing, or they’ll start writing to make deadlines rather than writing to tell a story. And who could blame them?

In the meantime, I wish I was a rock star. I wish I had minions who I paid out of my overflowing bank account, stuffed full of the riches I earned from my books. But that’s a pipe dream. I mostly do the writing because I love it and to cut off my characters, now, would be like amputating a limb. And yet, I also need to pay my bills. At the same time, my publishing company has to know they’re not sinking money into a wasted cause.

Which is why, as a debut novelist, literally every book counts and is counted. And each of those books will add up to whether I get to write more about Jane True and her friends. So when someone reads her story, without paying their $7.99, Jane loses a vote. One vote doesn’t seem like a lot, but a lot of single votes adds up to a lot of votes, period.

And every pirated copy of my book downloaded illegally means one less chance I get to publish anything after book three. So if you enjoy reading and want to read more books, especially more debut novels by new authors, please don’t pirate. Not just for our sake, as authors, but for your sake, as a reader. For piracy skews numbers: it means that the “big” names will get bigger while less money is spent on younger talents. It means that debut novels that you enjoyed won’t be followed up by a second or a third book in the series. And it means that more authors will take on too much work, just to make a decent living.

In other words, if you have any love for books, don’t be a pirate. Or just buy an eye patch and a parrot and pretend, at home. That’s far more exciting. After all, someone will have to be the wench . . . ;-)

Playing Catsup

Hello my friends! Here at Casa Peeler everything is focused on gearing up for the coming semester! Over Spring 2010, I’ll be teaching two sections of ENG 115, which is a rhetoric/composition course. Unlike the ENG 105 I have taught up until now, however, this course is based in English Literature. This means that I get to teach the art of writing as part of the discipline of English Lit and, more specifically, means that I get to teach MORE LITERATURE! Yay!

In this class, I’ll be teaching a lot of my canonical favorites. For example, I love me some “baby, we’re gonna die so we should go ahead and DOOOO EEEEET” poetry by Marvell and Donne. I allude to one of these poems in Tempest Rising. Anybody know which one and where? We’ll also be reading Oedipus Rex (poor Jocasta!) and my favorite Shakespeare play, Othello (“Put out the light and then put out the light…”). We’ve also go some Hemingway and Chopin on offer, amongst many others. I’m really psyched to get away from ENG 105 and to teach some of my favorite non-Modernist lit to eager (to sleep) Freshman. They’re not gonna know what hit ‘em. ;-)

I’m also teaching a night class of my ENG 215, which is an Intro to Fiction course for non-majors. I LOVE teaching this class, it’s my favorite, and it’s so fun to teach it at night. I love my “traditional” (meaning young) students, but teaching this class to a room full of more mature students, who’ve had some real life experience, is very rewarding in a very different way. With a room of nineteen year olds, it’s introducing them to ideas they haven’t necessarily lived through (fear of mortality, the decay of love or marriage or both, the passing of youth, etc.). This is very fun, and presents its own rewards and challenges, but teaching a night class (where the students are usually older) means the class is more of a conversation than a lecture.

Finally, I’m teaching Modern Poetry. All I have to say is AAAAAAAAGH. While my background is Modernism, and I have read the hell out of Pound and Eliot, a lot of this material is going to be as new to me as it is to the students. This situation is always challenging, obviously, but it’s also so rewarding. I like learning as much as I do teaching, and these sorts of classes are a great opportunity for me to branch out a bit.

So that’s my life for the next few months, in a nutshell.

Writing wise, I just mailed off the final pass edits for Tracking the Tempest to Orbit! Yay! She’s going to look GORGEOUS. Here’s some piccys:

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The last picture is of the wee teaser of Tempest’s Legacy! Exciting!

So that’s me done with book two. A fact that boggles my mind, on a number of levels, but that’s okay. I’m used to feeling a bit boggled. ;-)

Review: Crazy Heart

I’m not going to lie to you: I like terrible movies. I think it’s because I read so much serious stuff for my academic work and for my teaching that I enjoy really, really dumb films. My one caveat is romantic comedy: I would rather have my corneas scraped by sporks than watch pretty much any romantic comedy. But if it’s got explosions, monsters, robots, dragons, Ben Stiller, Adam Sandler, or any of the Judd Apatow boys, I am in like Fynn.

In San Francisco, while waiting in line for the film we intended to see, my dear friend Jana and I discussed how we share this similarity. Yeah, we can totally see super intense indie films, but, for the most part, we prefer happy go lucky shenanigans over eye-opening exposés of the human condition. We were going to see Me and Orson Welles (hoping it would be lighthearted-ish), when Jana said, “Ooo, look! They have Crazy Heart! I want to see that!”

And so we did. We bought tickets, sat down, and then enjoyed about two hours of pure torture. Here’s the trailer:

Now, when I say torture, I’m not being a jerk. I say torture because I have no doubt the director of Crazy Heart wanted his audience to understand the reality that is severe alcoholism. And understand we do: there is not one iota of glamorousness in Jeff Bridge’s incredible depiction of his character, aptly named Bad. Bad is, quite simply, “bad.” He is not evil, nor is he even wicked: he’s bad in the way that selfish little children are bad. Bridges even looks a bit like a child, at times, rolling around with his pants and shirt always semi-undone. His belly squidges about and his underpants droop, as he boozes and vomits his way through his own existence.

Occasionally, there are flashes of the Bad that exists when he’s not halfway through a bottle of hootch, and despite every bottle full of urine  we’ve seen emptied out on the roadside(Bad likes to pee and drive), or every trash can we’ve seen hurled into, the audience can understand why Maggie Gyllenhal’s character falls for the Big Bad. She has a penchant for wayward boys, and Bad, even well into his fifties? sixties?, is as wayward and boyish as a girl can get.

What happens next is part train wreck, part Greek tragedy. We know it can’t get worse, and then it does. Until Bad’s descent is over over, leaving him officially broken.

At this point in the film, I was quietly trying to chew through my own wrists so I would bleed out, and not have to endure any more belly-shots, or barf-shots, or see the comely lass kiss that very same mouth that just did that in the toilet.

And that’s when the film took off, taking me with it. I’ve heard the words “quietly redemptive” applied to other films or novels, and I think that Crazy Heart should be the example of this rather vague, and apparently oxymoronic term. I say apparently, because as audiences we are so used to a form of redemption that is anything but quiet. We are used to racked blue smurfs apologizing for their misunderstanding the circle of life by BLOWING UP AN ENTIRE ARMY OF ENEMIES. Or a father making up with the child he walked out on by GIVING HIS SON A KIDNEY AND THEN A LIVER AND THEN PART OF HIS LUNG. You get the drift. In Hollywood movies, people are forgiven for all sorts of things, by working the sorts of miracles that often require teams of special effects experts.

Bad doesn’t get that kind of redemption, because that sort of redemption doesn’t really exist. But he does get a second shot at life, and the quite fortitude with which he digs into his new existence is what made this film almost sublime for me. We see that modest, kind, thoughtful, and gentle Bad that kept getting drowned in whisky come to the forefront, and we see him try (and mostly fail) to make amends for the terrible hurts he has caused.

That Bad fails to achieve redemption, sometimes, doesn’t disappoint. For what is truly redemptive about Bad, and this film, is watching him offer himself up, again and again, to the realities of the hurts he has caused, and quietly ask for forgiveness