Monthly Archive for June, 2009

New York! New York! Day 4

We started our day with coffee and smoothies, made by our hostess with the mostess, Kristin! Delish! And she uses a “magic bullet” to make them, which never ceases to amuse me. I love it when everyday kitchen appliances are named after sex toys. My friends have a rabbit cork screw thingie, and they always ask me to fetch it for them just because they like to give me a giggle.

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After breakfast we went vintage clothes shopping. SO MUCH fun! Kristin found these saucy yellow shoes:

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They made Kristin about 8 feet tall, btw. We scampered around her feet like forest creatures. What did I buy, you ask? Well, I bought another skull bandana, and I bought THIS for belly dancing:

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Yes, those are ACTUAL CHAINS. It’s the coolest belt I’ve EVER SEEN. See it in action!

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Kristin’s a natural! She should join us in the Port Belly Futures! I will, however, need to remember that I am wearing chains on my hips, so I don’t bruise any fellow dancers with any unplanned shimmies. CHAINS! How cool is that???

After shopping, we went for brunch at a Bavarian Beer Hall place. It was amazing:

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I had what was probably my favorite meal of the entire trip. I’m not knocking our other meals! We ate like kings. But this brunch? OMG. Look at that bacon!

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It was sooooooooooooo good. I’m drooling looking at it. Contemplating buying ticket to La Guardia for Sunday just for brunch. Is that excessive? Probably. But tempting!!!

After brunch we wandered around Williamsburg, and hit up the local street fair:

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It was super fun, and this guy made my year:

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He’s selling poems! Freshly written poems! And those chalk lines on the ground are so that everyone can line up in an orderly queue while they wait. I love this guy!

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After the market we sacked out in a park to digest our various pork products and enjoy some ice cream. And then Sam ate Kristin’s face:

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No, he is really blowing through her nostrils because her head was stuffed up. He offered to do it to all of us, but we passed. Kristin, however, reeeeealllly seems to enjoy it, so maybe we were wrong to judge?

When we’d sufficiently lounged, we went back to our respective apartments:

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Mariah, Rootie, and I tangled ourselves up on the sofa to watch movies. We watched the first 20 minutes of How Stella Got Her Groove Back, until we realized they’d cut out all the naughty bits and really? That movie is all about Taye Diggs rather naked. So then we watched 40 Year Old Virgin, one of my all time favorite movies. How much do I love Steve Carrell? Just about enough that it hurts.

Finally, we went for a quiet dinner at a Turkish restaurant. We were tired from the night before and we had BIG PLANS for the next day. But dinner was lovely. Rootie had chicken fricassee and I had fish. That was my attempt at being healthy, which was foiled by the fact there was probably about a pound of butter whipped into the potatoes. Mmmmm. Butter.

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After dinner we went back home to bed, for big things were afoot the next day! BIG THINGS! YAY!

New York! New York! Day 3

For the rest of our stay in NYC, we stayed at the apartment of Kristin’s and Sam’s neighbors, who were so incredibly generous as to let us use their place while they were on vacation. But despite us being next door, Kristin was, as always, the ultimate hostess, and she knows how I needs my coffee in the morning:

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Those aren’t all three for me, btw. Anyway, After breakfast, Mariah, Ruth and I went into Manhattan to sightsee…

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First off, we met up with a friend of Mariah’s for lunch, Sabina. She’s an amazing singer (we listened to your music on Mariah’s iPod, lady, and it’s gorgeous!) and so much fun:

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Sabina took us to a very delicious deli where we had pizza. I love NYC style pizza way better than Chicago. I know, I know, I should represent for my home state, but I actually prefer my pizza thin and crispy. And yes, that is a tower of brownie in the center. Mmmmmmm…..tower o’ brownie…..

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After lunch, we went for a walk through central park. The ladies looked resplendent in dresses:

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The day was gorgeous, if really, really hot. But it was great to be in the city!

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While in the park, we walked a bit, then watched a softball game while Mariah explained the rules to Dr. Ruth. I am not so much into the sports. My version of most rules is “whack/throw/dodge the ball and try not to hit anyone else or get it in the face.” Anyway, Mariah came to Ruth’s rescue. After we watched softball we stopped at a cafe for some popsicles for the girls and an iced coffee por mi. Delicious!

After our little pick me up, we hopped in a cab to go to Hudson’s Bar and Books to meet up with Ron Hogan, editor of Beatrice.com and about a million other things. Google him. He may run the world? I’m not sure if “leader of the Illuminati’s literary division” is necessarily accurate, but I think it’s a good metaphor for what Ron does. He picked Hudson’s, and it may be my heaven? The whisky list is OUTRAGEOUS and I had probably one of the most amazing manhattan’s in my life. And then I had another! Which explains why I’m REALLY REPETITIVE on the video Ron made of me talking about my cover, which will be posted on one of his numerous websites soon. I’ll keep you posted. :-) Anyway, check out how cool this place was. Here’s Ron’s Tray o’ Pfaff….. they do things with STYLE at Hudson’s…

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And here’s Ron lighting up his cigar…

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Ron and I had a great chat about books and book stuff, and it was so much fun meeting him. He’s a great guy who seems to know pretty much everything about anything book related, so go check out all the great stuff he’s doing on the interwebs!

After drinkiepoos, we headed back to Sam and Kristin’s for….. more drinkiepoos! They were having a cocktail party which included a bunch of us from Edinburgh, a Norweigen pop group, other various friends, and my wonderful agent and her husband. It was so much fun! And Sam and Kristin are the most outrageous hostesses. Kristin made delicious tacos and guacamole for everyone, and Sam made all sorts of tempting beverages. Many hijinks ensued. Here’s some piccy’s…

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Ruth is quite the artiste with that camera! I love this pic. And move over Rockettes!

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I think Ruth genuinely is ready to take over the Follies. She’s so fierce! The party was awesome and went WAY late and there may be video that WON’T end up on YouTube. But I’m not a total tease… I will leave you with what are, perhaps, the cutest shoes I’ve seen in a while….. SO CUTE!

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(Please ignore what I think is a big man toe, thanks!)

New York! New York! Day 2

For our second morning in NYC, I brought Rootie breakfast in bed. Don’t say I don’t know how to treat a lady! The sandwiches from Starbucks looked unprepossessing, but holy moly they were delish:

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After breakfast, Dr. Ruth and I split up for the first time since she got here. It was rather traumatic, actually. For her part, Rootie went off to MOMA and then walked the city. I was very amused to see this bad boy on her role of pics when she returned, as you may remember it from my own visit to MOMA a few months ago:

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I love that painting! But this totally freaked me out:

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Yeah, that cup, saucer, and spoon are all fur lined. Are you as skeeved out as I am?

Rootie also took time on her rambles finally to have the treat she’d been talking about the entire trip…. an NYC hot dog from a street vendor!

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I wish I could have been there for her first hot dog. They grow up so fast!

That reminds me…. where was I, you’re asking? I abandoned the good doctor to meet my AMAZING agent, Rebecca, for lunch. I got ridiculously lost (in a taxi! Thanks!) but eventually found her in this incredible Japanese restaurant which is sort of hidden. I had eel, because I can’t get enough eel. Mmmmmm…Eel! I don’t have pictures, though, as Ruth had the camera and, quite frankly, I never remember to take any.

But I had a great lunch with Rebecca, then we went off to Orbit to meet with Alex Lencicki and Jack Womack, Orbit’s two publicity gurus. My editor is off on vacay, so I missed my Devi, but the meeting with Alex and Jack was great. I can’t tell you how lucky I feel to be with such a great publishing company. I know it’s hard financial times, and that a lot of publishing companies have had to cut back on their publicity, but Orbit is still full steam ahead and doing everything they can to launch Tempest Rising in style! Plus everyone there is just cool, which makes it fun too!

After I left Orbit, I met up with Ruth back at our hotel, where we collected our luggage and made the trip into Brooklyn, to Williamsburg, where our friend’s Dr. And Mrs. Whisky (Sam and Kristin) live. The good Dr. Whisky was out shilling his delicious liquid wares, but Kristin was there to meet and greet. Ruth, Sam, Kristin, and me I were all friends at the University of Edinburgh, so this was a mini Uni of Edinburgh reunion. Our First Lady of Whisky took us to one of the coolest bars I’ve ever been to, because it had THIS:

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Yes. that’s a taco van parked INSIDE the patio area of the bar. And no, there’s no door. So they must have built the wall AROUND the taco van. I nearly wept for the glory of it. And the queso and guac we bought from said stand? OUTRAGEOUSLY DELICIOUS:

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Other cool things this bar had was this sign, which I would like to carry with me everywhere I go:

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and an old fashioned photo booth, which yielded these bad boys:

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Love it! After we left the bar, we collected Mariah, another friend from Edinburgh who was was in to be part of the reunion, from a street corner where she was waiting with her luggage. Then we met up with Sam, Kristin’s husband, and his colleague, David. We went to another amazing Williamsburg restaurant (seriously, this place rules) for outrageously delicious burgers.

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Hijincks ensued. The ladies on the one side of the table were behaving quite well…

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But Dr’s Ruth and Whisky? Can’t take ‘em anywhere!

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After dinner we went to a place called Barcade which is exactly that: A Bar Arcade. First a Beauty Bar and now Bar Arcade? Seriously? Did these people know I was coming? Because that’s what nearly happened when I found out they had this:

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So Barcade rocked. But soon enough we were back at home, admiring Dr. Whisky’s whisky. This was the latest shipment:

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And Mrs. Whisky is one wife who loves her hubby bringing home his work…

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So that was our second day in NYC. The pics are great, but they don’t do justice to the laughter and the friendship I am so lucky to share with these amazing people. Thanks for everything, guys. I love you all!

New York! New York! Day One!

We flew out of O’Hare bright and early. O’Hare makes you check in two hours before your flight time, so we had lots of time to kill. With french toast!

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Soon enough, however, we were in NYC! YAY!

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We checked into a hotel in Manhattan for the first night because our friends, who we would later be staying with, were in DC until the next day. Plus, I had business in Manhattan the next day with Orbit and Rootie wanted to do some hard core sightseeing. So hotel it was! To be honest, the place wasn’t the W. But it was fine and it was a great location. Despite having wolfed down such a huge breakfast, we were miraculously hungry and had a craving for Chinese….

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After lunch, we went back to the hotel and took a nap since we’d woken up at the butt crack to get to O’Hare. We knew we each had big days planned for next day, and it was raining, so we wanted to do something chill. And our amazing friend, Kristin (whom you may remember from my blogging about my last visit to NYC), came up trumps with a genius idea texted to us from DC.

Who doesn’t want to rock out at a place called Beauty Bar? And who doesn’t want to have MANICURES while being served cocktails? I mean, seriously? Whoever came up with Beauty Bar should be charged with saving our economy because that mofo is a GENIUS. We had so much fun!

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Yes, those are old school hair dryers behind us. Awesome. Here we are individually happy!

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And our nails? Hawt.

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I went with the silver and Rootie went with a bold pink. And yes, that was our third manicure of the trip. Sweet.

After our manicures, and maybe a few cocktails, we went to a deli to share  panini. Although we couldn’t quite stop admiring our nails…

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Before we called it quits, we snarfed down some chocolaty banana bread. Who knew things wrapped in saran wrap could be sooooo good?

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And that was it! We hit the hay. For tomorrow….. ADVENTURES!

Chicago: Fo' Real, Yo

So my mom and I took Rootie into Chicago fo’ real. We went on my fave tour ever: the architectural boat tour that leaves from Navy Pier. We bought our tix and than had some cheeky nooner G&T’s. There was no Hendricks, so we had to slum with the Bombay Sapphire. As my mom scorned eating my leftover goat with me (Hi, Dakota!), she had a lunch of fried calamari…

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Then we did the tour. For those of you who haven’t been to Chicago, it’s such a great city. Rootie had no idea it was going to be so big, and I think she was really impressed by it. And the best way to see it is definitely by water…

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Cause you get to wear cool hats….

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Isn’t she sweet? And, as usual, our intrepid camerawoman got some amazing shots of the city. I don’t know what to choose! So many! So nice! Here’s a wee selection…

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After the boat tour, we needed to cool down. Chicago had a heat advisory, that day, and we BAKED sitting in the sun waiting for the tour to start. So we went into Navy Pier to wander around in the air conditioning. I bought some silly magnets (the one sort of collecty thing I do), and then we got ice cream. YUM!

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And yes that is a HUGE PIMPLE emblazoned on my cheek. I may adore NOLA, but my skin FREAKING HATES IT. ;-)

Ruth and I also saw a sign that represented us perfectly:

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This is my own notes from a great American road trip. ;-)

After Navy Pier we went to the Top of the ‘Cock (the Hancock building) for some drinkiepoos. And because I just like saying that I’m going to the Top of the ‘Cock over and over again, to anyone who will listen. And some that won’t. Posh cocktail alert!

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Don’t ask me WHAT I’m doing in the background. A little dance? Miming eating a sausage? Who knows.

My favorite pic from the Top of the ‘Cock (hehe) is this one, where it looks fake, like I superimposed Ruth onto a backdrop of Chicago. But it is totally legit…

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Ruth is really, truly at the Top of the ‘Cock!

After drinkiepoos we crossed the street to Water Tower Place and did a little shoppies. I’m on the hunt for a new purse to replace my beloved big bertha, but finding a good purse is like finding a good man… ya just gotta hold out till the right one comes along. And then you should check to make sure they’re big enough, can carry enough stuff, and have an excellent return policy. In my case, I also require lots of hardware (silver, natch) and preferably something a little crazy. There was a great bag at Betsey Johnson that matched my one eyed willie belt, but it wasn’t quite it… the straps were off. So I’m still on the hunt. Le sigh.

The one thing I do have a plethora of is AWESOME friends. And one of my besties, Loren, met us at our favorite dinner spot, Coco Pazzo, for a phenomenal meal…

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We stayed way too late at the restaurant, laughing and talking and horrifying my mother. ;-)

Finally, we drove home to pack and hit the hay for an early rise to get to O’Hare for our flight to NYC! In NYC I will do some biznass, we will have a mini-University of Edinburgh reunion with our brilliant friends Sam, Kristin, and Mariah, and we will see many other peeps and have many other adventures! NYC HERE WE COME!

A-Town: Maxin' and Relaxin' (or just stuffing our faces)

So after the Dropkick Murphys, Rootie and I needed a rest. And we got one. The day after was Father’s Day, and my brother had a BBQ that was very much appreciated, on a number of levels. Rootie got her first bratwurst, which she insists on referring to as a “sausage:”

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So we had sausage, and a little hair of the dog:

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The best bit was, however, giving my brother and dad their presents. Rootie and I were crafty, and went to Target (I’ve taught her to pronounce it properly: Targét) and developed some AWESOME pictures we took of my brother and Wyatt during the concert. Then I cut them up and put them in a very cool frame. It turned out great!

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Yay! For my dad, I done bought a kindle. Which I will have to figure out how to work. And not steal it. It is tempting.

The other very cute if slightly traumatizing thing is that my mother won’t put my book down. Which is adorable! And so flattering! And I love her support.

But she’s also reading the sex scenes. Which may be fairly explicit. And may be written by HER DAUGHTER. Weird! Weird! Weird!

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It’s all going to be fine. Right?

That was pretty much the BBQ. We were knackered and part of the point of Aurora time was to rest up. Which we did! The next day we went MALLING. So much vulgar consumerism! So little time.

Rootie also got to hit one of the restaurants a bunch of people had told her to visit…The Cheesecake factory. We both got lunch specials to have room for cheesecake. But forgot that at that restaurant, “lunch special” is still a meal for six.

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But we still managed to stuff a little cheesecake down our gobs…

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After lunch we did large amounts of shoppies. Rootie tried on a lot of stuff and I would sit and give the imperial thumbs up or thumbs down. I bought a lot of stuff, because I have no self control and there were so many sales. What was Victoria’s secret today? That bitch is CHEAP right now, that’s the secret! Go buy cute panties! Do it! Now!

Then we drove back to Aurora, where my mom and dad took us for Mexican. It was lovely! Rootie had quesadeillas, which she has come to embrace. Move over vindaloo! Quesadillas are coming to Britain!

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I had the cabrito. Which is goat. Dakota loves it when I eat goat, don’t you Dakota!

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Mmmmm….Goat! And there may have been margaritas. SCHOONERS of margaritas!

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My parents were very tolerant of our taking pictures of the food. Confused, but tolerant. And so cute!

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After dindin, my mom, Rootie and I went to go see the Hangover. Hilarious! It was great. Very WRONG, but very good. So that was our time in Aurora! Tomorrow, we’re going to Chicago to be tourists. And then we fly to NYC on Wednesday. Woo hoo! For now I will leave you with this moment of American Dreamz:

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I wish I came with extra buttery topping. Just a thought. :-)

Absolutely Rockstar

Dr. Ruth and I woke up the next morning, gloriously refreshed. To begin the process of purging the beignets from our thighs, we went for walkies around my neighborhood. When we lived in Edinburgh together, American tourists were always taking pictures of the blue plaques on building (historical markers), the red telephone booths, and the red, cylindrical post boxes. Well, it was now Ruth’s turn to take pictures of iconographic American things that she’d only seen in movies and on TV up until now….

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Fire hydrants don’t exist in Europe, in this form, so she was excited. The other funny thing that keeps happening is how people respond when Ruth says she’s from outside of London. It proves that Americans? Not so hot with the geography.

Ruth: “I’m from the UK.”

Man in NOLA: “Wow! I have friends in Belgium!”

Ruth: “I’m from the UK.”

Young Elvis in Pirate Bar (pre-Toxic Baby): “I’ve been to Spain!”

Ruth: “I’m from the UK.”

Waiter in Memphis: “I’ve got a cousin in Austria! Or is it Australia…..?”

Ruth: *in her posh English accent* “I’m from outside London, but I live in Edinburgh.”

Woman at Target: “I thought I recognized that accent! My family came over from Scotland in the 1700s!”

People’s reactions to Ruth have been a constant source of amusement. Especially the server at the McDonald’s in Memphis, who, when Ruth ordered a cheeseburger, stared at her like she was speaking in Medieval Latin. I actually had to translate. Hilarious!

Anyway, after our walkies we had leftover tacos and then drove over to my brother’s, where we met up with him, my nephew, and a few of his police buddies so that we could all drive together to see the DROPKICK MURPHYS!!!!!

Can I tell you how much I love that band? And my family? It was my nephew’s, Wyatt’s, first concert. He’s nine, but he’s got an old soul. And we all had so much fun! Peelers on Parade!

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The venue was at the old Meig’s Field, which I think is now called Northerly Island Park, or something. I hadn’t been to a show there, yet, as it was only converted from a functioning air strip into a concert venue in 2003, when I was already living abroad. The story of how it came to be is a wonderful tale of Illinois Politics, involving contractors – illegally hired by the mayor – showing up in the dead of night to vandalize the air field with big bulldozed Xs, so that planes couldn’t land. But that’s neither here nor there. The point is that this is SUCH an amazing venue. We thought it’d be huge, but it’s actually the size of a mid-size Chicago theater, just outside and with an AMAZING skyline view:

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Look at that skyline behind us! Awesome!!! Also awesome were the BUCKETS O’ BEER they were serving. Rootie was just getting comfortable with the idea that, in America, everything is simply BIGGER. But the size of these beers blew her away…

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My brother and his buddies kept us well supplied:

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Peelers rule!

And the concert ROCKED. I love the Murphys, and it was awesome to see them live. Unfortunately, while they are normally the headliners when they play in Chicago, for this show they were supporting….the Offspring. I have fond memories of the Offspring, and my own very first concert was a Q101 Low Dough show with the Offspring opening up for the Violent Femmes. So that was kinda cool. And it was pretty funny to see the disparity in the two sets of fans. There was about a ten year age difference, with the majority of the Offspring’s fans hovering at about 20, and a big tattoo difference. The people covered in tats with the buckets o’ beer? Murphy’s fans. The decidedly stoned teenagers drinking soda? Offspring. I was afraid the children were going to get hurt, but they knew to back up and let the adults play when the Murphys came on. That said, the Offspring had some very fun t-shirts on sale:

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I love the couple buying the same t-shirt. And I love the kid who’s so excited he has to put on his t-shirt RIGHT AWAY. That said, it’s not as cool as my new Murphy’s shirt, which says, “Kiss Me – I’m Shitfaced.” I will wear it to the Savage on Fridays. So I don’t have to say it out loud, anymore. ;-) Time is money.

The concert itself ruled. The Murphys are SO GOOD live. My brother has seen them about a dozen times, but I’ve been gone so long and was never in the same city they were at the same time. I’d be in Boston…they’d be in Dallas. I’d be in Dallas, they’d be in Chicago… it was like we were ne’er fated to meet. So i was a VERY happy bunny seeing them, finally – not least because I may have a big girlie crush on James Lynch, the guitarist. Big…Girlie…Crush. I may have squealed when he came on. I quickly tamped it down, made a high sign, and rocked out, but there was definitely a squeal emitted. Embarrassing!

But Rootie and I had an AWESOME time, and Rootie is now a fan of the Murhpys:

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Not least because we got to smooch Al Barr, the lead singer. He was really cute in person and really sweet. He warned us he was pretty sweaty as we went in for the kill, but Rootie is not for turning…

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I love his face. He’s like, “Yeah, this is my job. Thanks.” I look like I may be about to lick him. That is unintentional, and there was no follow through.

For the rest of the show, we drank more, blagged our way into the VIP tent, drank more, and then left halfway through the Offspring. But not before one last picture!

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After the show, we dropped Chris and Wyatt off at their hotel, and went round the corner to Mercat’s, where my friend Ervin is the bartender. I love me some Ervin! See him in action!

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Ervin hooked us up with some gorgeous cocktails and some AMAZING food. Meow. If you’re in Chicago, hit Mercat’s up for some tapas. Soooooo delicious….

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Ervin lives with my good friend from Aurora, Sean, and we eventually finished gnoshing on everything in sight and went back to their lovely apartment. We sat up with Sean for a while, talking, then went to bed. In the morning, we were fed delicious coffee and bagels (ohhhh I love bagels) by the boys, until my brother picked us up.

Tomorrow, Rootie enjoys an American BBQ and Father’s day, during which my mother promises to take her to the Top of the ‘Cock! We giggled.

Yay for the Murphys! Yay for Al Barr! Yay for Chicago!

Rootie in the 'Burbs!

The drive up from Memphis to Aurora, Illinois, was very long, very flat, and very straight. Again, we made amazingly good time, not least because I was on a mission from hell’s kitchen…

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To see my ARC’s! So we just made a few pit stops on the way, including dinner chez Mickey D’s….

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That was the first time I’d eaten McDonald’s in a very, very long time. It involved a lot of mayonnaise on my burger. Which I relished, because I am a very naughty mayonnaise fiend.

Anyway, eventually we rolled into Aurora and to my childhood home. Where there was a big, beautiful box waiting for me. JOY!

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It was really, really cool to see these. I may have teared up a bit. I did not openly weep, as both Rootie and I did while listening to This American Life during the drive up. There was a man talking about his faith after his mother’s death, and we both had tears streaming down our faces. I may have let out a sob. We were already emotionally wrung, and a bit tired, so I only managed to squeeze off a tear or two. Not bad for someone who cries at Hallmark commercials.

And that was it for us. We were both k-nacked, so we we hit the hay.

The next morning, we had coffee and smoothie and then, despite the crazy Illinois lightening storm, went shopping. We also made sure to FINALLY EAT SOME VEGETABLES!

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We then spent some money, got our nails done, and did some grocery shopping so I could do my best impression of Peggy Bundy:

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I made turkey tacos for my dad, my childhood friend Angela, and Rootie because I have had just about enough of eating out. Dinner was delicious and much more nutritious then our NOLA diet of beignets and Abita.

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And my dad enjoyed having dinner with the ladies….

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After dinner, we went down to our local hoodrat hang out…..

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It was fantastically ghetto, and it was fun to be with Ang back in the bar we used to have the pizza delivery guy drop us off at (long story)….

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Rootie enjoyed the ole Pitcher o’ Miller Light as well as some local Chicago brews…

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Soon enough, however, we went home. For we were both pooped. We needed a wee rest, and we got it. But tomorrow? Oh, no resting for us, my friends. Tomorrow we par-tay, Peeler style. It all culminates in smooching a real life rockstar….. mit pictures!! Wheeee!!!!!

From NOLA to Graceland

We left NOLA as one should, with a shit load of beignets:

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Ohhhh the glory. I am drooling typing this. Look at them! Lovely!

And I love the sea of powdered sugar left over from eating them. The huge lumps are on my side, of course. I am a messy, messy lady:

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Unfortunately, after beignets, it was time to leave NOLA for Memphis. It’s about a six hour drive, and we made really good time. Not least because my hippy spaceship bends the forces of nature to its whim. Or I just have a lead foot.

Rootie had her first American popsicle when we made a pitstop for gas…

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And finally, we hit Memphis.

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We were both done in, so we just ate at an American favorite that was located nice and close to our hotel…IHOP.

Rootie immediately felt right at home:

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She IS fresh! And fruity! How did they KNOW? 

It was a good day for Ruth. She was lauded on the menu (Fresh! Fruity!) and she had taken a fancy to the juxtaposition of my bling Chanel sunnies with my new skull bandana (thanks, Weston!). She finally got the picture she’d been angling for all day, while I was reading the menu…

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Now THAT is rootie tootie fresh and froooootie…..

Speaking of exciting things for visiting Brits, I can’t begin to explain to you my girl’s excitement when the waiter put down the pancakes she hadn’t ordered, and I explained that, here at IHOP, EVERYTHING comes with a side of pancakes. Even the pancakes, presumably. 

Pancakes for ALL! But especially with our country omelettes…

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The next morning we had bagels at the hotel, then head down Elvis Presley Blvd. to GRACELAND!

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There was an uncomfortable moment where we had to shimmy through a barrier to get to the shuttle bus, and my fat ass got wedged. Really, truly, wedged. I blame the beignets. I’ll be going to the gym after I post this.

But Graceland ROCKS. First impressions? It’s a HOUSE! A big, tacky, 70’s house! Obviously, the house itself is way older than the 70’s, and Elvis actually bought it in the 50’s. But most of the redecorating was done in the 70’s. So I really enjoyed what my friend Mary Lois calls the “time warp” factor of the place…like the HUGE 70’s TVs in every room. I loved the expensive silver punch set set on top of the HUGE TV in the dining room, as if both are equally fancy and worthy of display. I loved all the shag carpet. I loved the colors… my parents home in Aurora was the model for our subdivision, and built around ‘75 or ‘76. Until I was in my young teens, it was decorated in the height of 70’s ersatz Spanish glory, and I still remember the really thick multi colored (red, black, gold and brown) LONG shag carpet we had in our living room, replete with a solid red brick fireplace wall that had two HUGE spanish lanterns hanging off either side of the fireplace. The kitchen? Green indoor-outdoor carpeting…the building material of the future! So basically I grew up in a way less bling version of Graceland. It was like going back to my childhood home….if my parents had taken a lot more drugs and made a lot more money.

Here are some piccys!

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While we were going through Graceland, I got an email that Orbit needed something last minute before going into production with Tempest Rising. So after we were done with the tour, we went through Elvis’s airplanes, then retrieved my laptop from the spaceship and went to find somewhere to have a snicky-snack, a drinkiepoo, and let me do a moment’s work. Because a writer’s work is never done!

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I love this picture, because it represents what writing TR has been for me…totally fucking random and wicked international. I wrote the first chapter in Edinburgh, the second chapter in Istanbul, chapters 3 & 4 in a cottage in the Lake District, etc., etc, culminating with me picking out the excerpt from Tracking the Tempest to go in the back of TR while sitting in a diner in Graceland. 

It’s how I roll…

Turns out, however, that even Rootie and I can get food-stumped. The first thing that Rootie balked at, and that I was ambivalent about, was this:

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Yes, that’s a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich. Ruth took one bite and nearly chundered. I took more than a few bites, and I nearly liked it. Until my stomach was like, “WTF ARE YOU DOING TO ME YOU DEVIL BITCH!” Seriously. It was PISSED. My stomach is pretty much made of cast iron. I have a predilection for the street meat, and have eaten shit off carts in pretty much every place I visit. The only thing at which I draw the line is the street mollusk ….even I know a really bad culinary idea when I see it. I’ve eaten off carts throughout most of the known world, and my stomach has been like, “Whatever, lady! Let’s rock it!” Butter soaked peanut butter, however, is apparently almost as bad an idea as eating oysters from the dude transporting them on the brim of his hat…. 

That particular sandwich is the first thing I can say I do NOT recommend you eat from these blog adventures. Okay, no, you totally have to eat it, because who goes to Graceland and doesn’t eat the fried PB and banana sandwich? But go in carefully, and don’t eat the whole thing. For the love of God, don’t…eat…the…whole…thing……

Just ask Ruth! This is her, directly before she nearly projectile vomited….

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So that was Graceland. I loved it! I probably won’t go back again, unless I have another visitor who wants to see it, but I thoroughly recommend going. It’s just so kitsch, and so funny, and it’s such an interesting peek into an historical period that is so recent we take it for granted, and yet it is thoroughly, absolutely, over and gone.

Bye bye, Graceland!

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Tomorrow, we drive to Aurora! And Rootie has her first adventures in suburban Illinois…..

NOLA Day 3

Day 3 was a tour!

We’d chosen a tour that was half historical, half hurricane Katrina related, and I think it was the perfect choice for tourists that lean towards nerdism. There are dozens of possible tours to take in NOLA, so do your homework and don’t be afraid to articulate your needs. We wanted something that incorporated general tourism, history, and the hurricane, and that’s exactly what we got.

After having coffee and muffins in the same cafe as the previous morning (La Boucherie on Chartres), we started out the tour in the french quarter. But almost immediately we headed into the Lower Ninth Ward, where so much of the devastation from Katrina was centered. One thing Ruth commented upon, which I second, is the idea that you can’t really understand the full extent of Katrina until you visit. Even four years later, places that were apparently chock a block with housing are now empty–green swathes of new grass sitting where once sat houses. Our tour guide told us that of the 450,000 people living in NOLA before the hurricane, only 300,000 had returned. That’s an amazing loss of population and how any city could survive such traumatic events is astounding.

But while there were still a lot of houses that looked like this:

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And this:

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There was a lot of really great things happening, as well. One thing that really impressed me, to my surprise, was the green houses being built with the help of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. I’m not a big fan of celebrity, and I’m actually quite cranky about it. I don’t own a TV, and I rarely go to the flicks, mostly because I’m crazy and I have harebrained notions. So I wasn’t really expecting all that much, especially when the tour guide kept gushing about where we could see, “Brad and Angelina drinking…and eating…and walking,” etc. But I was really, really impressed with these houses. They are interesting architecturally, they remind me a lot of the green villages (inspired by Scandinavia) that have been popping up throughout the UK, and they’re just a great idea on a lot of levels. They’re also adorable, fresh, and very urban fantasy. At least in my mind.

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There were even cooler ones, but my intrepid camerawoman, Dr. Ruth, was having trouble with the bouncy, bouncy bus.

Anyway, we went all throughout the upper and lower ninth wards, and while there is a lot to be done, there’s also a lot to be hopeful for. The best way to help NOLA rebuild is to visit, as I heartily recommend.

Another place we visited was St. Roch’s above the ground burial yard. It was very, very creepy. I’m not religious, but I do love a Saint’s creepy miracle collection. Arms! Legs! Crutches! Hands AND feet! Gark!

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And I think there was definitely mojo in the air, for despite having slept about 3 hours and having a bit of a Sailor Jerry hangover (Argh!), Rootie and I were miraculously happy and healthy……..

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After the tour we had LUNCH! At Stanley’s, in Jackson Square. I had the Caesar Salad with fried oysters, and Rootie went for a take on egg’s benedict that was positively sinful.

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After that we did a little touristy shopping to buy coffee and stuff, when we came across this very sage advice:

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Hear that? Give us beignets…… or we’re coming for you.

If you can’t find beignets, you could always substitute these macaroons from La Boucherie, which nearly killed us. They were some of the tastiest macaroons I’ve ever had, covered in this absolutely sinful chocolate ganache. Go forth into the wild and find some. They will blow your mind.

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After the tour (and the macaroon induced diabetic comas), we went out to dinner at Acme Oyster House with one of my wonderful LSUS students, Cortney. She’s teaching summer school in NOLA and it was great to hear about her adventures:

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Cortney, bless her, is actually like a foot taller than me. But she scrunched down to midget level so that I wouldn’t look quite so dwarven.

At Acme oyster house we officially FEASTED:

It started with a cup of chicken and andouille sausage gumbo for Rootie, and a plate of grilled oysters for Cortney and me. All washed down with the Seasonal Satsuma-flavored Abita:

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And then, for mains, Rootie had the tasting platter which consisted of jambalaya, more gumbo, and read beans and rice with a big ole’ sausage. I had the red beans and rice with sausage in a poopa (big bowl o’ bread), mostly because I have to order anything that sounds like “poo” in restaurants. How often does that happen, you might ask? Have you ever been to Chinese restaurant with a pupu platter? It can happen quite often, thanks. Cortney got a delightful looking po’ boy. Here’s the money shot:

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Then we washed everything down with an order of bread pudding and a root beer float. Glory be to the root beer float….

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After we left Cortney to go get ready for another day of teaching, we decided to be quite cheeky and indulge in a little absinthe at the pirate bar, where we met up with Weston. Absinthe is not my favorite, as I’m not a licorice fan. But when in NOLA….

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The bartender (Lee? Leigh? Leah?) was an absolute DOLL. Give her a shout out for me if you visit NOLA. As per usual, we talked to everyone and their mother, and Rootie became friends with someone she thought looked like a young Elvis. I think she just had Graceland on the brain!

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Then again, it could also be because Rootie thought it a good idea to try a shot of this:

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Yes, that is a baby clinging to the glass. But that’s not even the best part. “What IS toxic baby?”, you may be wondering. Well, NOBODY KNOWS. Not the people who work there, like Weston and Leigh. Only the owner knows, and he doesn’t tell. Rootie said it tasted like cherries. I quickly googled what Rohypnol tastes like….

After the pirate bar, we went to Pravda, a very cool Russian themed bar. We just had one drink there, because I was pooped. We said goodbye to Weston, then walked back to the hotel. But NOLA IS NOLA, and somehow we ended up in another bar. It was a curious, wonderful crowd, and we ended up staying out WAY later (I had said one drink! One drink!) than anticipated. But DUDE we had fun. Look at our fun!

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I’m throwin’ it up, ole skool. West side!

So that was our last evening in NOLA. I’m always sad knowing I have to leave, because I really, really want to live there. BUT Graceland was waiting for us, as was my family. So we had to go! After a few beignets, of course………………….

I’ll give you a little more powdered sugar action on the ‘morrow. Promise. ;-)